My Journey (Part 3 1/2)

Later this weekend (most likely tonight), I will continue by sharing about a time of healing in our lives. At this point, however, I think there are two points that need further clarification.

First of all, let me repeat that the church that I served a full-time youth pastor was a wonderful church made up of many wonderful people. I am sure that some of them may have felt neglected by me as a youth pastor, or perhaps they felt like they didn’t get all that they thought they were getting when they hired me. I will never truly know how most of them felt. I do know that I thought I was going into a situation where an older, more experienced minister was going to mentor me. This was not true. I also thought that Miranda and I would be able to build a support network, and that didn’t happen as well. Yes, pastors are responsible for ministering to their churches, but churches bear a responsibility of ministering to their pastors. I honestly believe that I ended up serving a church that was going through turmoil, and I ended up caught up in the crossfire.

I mentioned that Miranda and I went through a time of incredible rebellion after we left that church. We knew that our decisions were destructive, and we knew that God had a better plan for us. Like a drowning man, we were incapable of saving ourselves. We visited a large, prominent church in the Birmingham area several times. During one of those visits, Miranda and I approached one of the staff members after a service to see if we could talk. Through tears, we shared our struggle. I distinctly remember telling him that if we didn’t end up divorced, it would only be because one of us ended up convicted of murder. Remember that drowning man I mentioned? Well, I felt like I was going under for the third time.

Let me go ahead and say that I hold no ill will towards that pastor. I have no idea what may have been going on in his life at the time or what his schedule looked like. I do know that we were more honest with him than we had been with any other person, and I know we never heard from him again. He didn’t call, he didn’t send an email, he didn’t send a postcard… absolutely no contact was ever made. I was drowning, and the lifeguard ignored my cries for help.

I share that with you because I think it is absolutely essential that we recognize that when people share their stories of pain with us, they are crying out for love. They are crying out to hear that you not only accept them and their struggles as they are, but that you are willing to love them through the struggles. The reason I can say that I hold no ill will towards the man is because his inability or unwillingness to reach out to a couple in a struggling marriage has created within me an incredible sensitivity towards the pain of others. If I had to hurt in order to be able to more effectively love those who are hurting, then every tear was worth it.

And for the record, the only Lifeguard who was capable of saving our marriage heard our cries. Of course, He let me go under for the third time and swallow a whole lot of water before He pulled me out of the deep.